With Your Hand Upon His Heart
by poeticgrace
Summary: Nathan and Peyton deal with the ramifications of heartache, consequences and indecision in a post-Naley, a post-Leyton world. AU.
1. Chapter 1

Peyton Sawyer had fought with a lot of men in her life. Each one of them had been different but equally comparable to an album from her impressive collection of records that spanned nearly every musical genre. She could retrace too many of these arguments in those old vinyl discs, a sort of sick soundtrack to her past heartache. For a girl like Peyton, something like that tended to make sense.

Fighting with her dad was always like one of those old country songs, the kind filled with deep sorrow and heartfelt regret. She could pull out her favorite Johnny Cash record and slip it onto her turntable and be instantly taken back to a particularly dark night her sophomore year of high school when her father had finally bothered to come home from sea to find her wrapped around Nathan on their living room couch. It had been one of the few times they had actually been genuinely sleeping instead of something else, but that kind of logic failed to impress her father. After he had kicked Nathan out and she had worn her voice out from screaming over him, Peyton had slammed her door and listened to "You Win Again" at top volume.

Arguments with Jake had been more like jazz, with all these staccato notes followed by melodic breakdowns indicative of the inevitable comings and goings that marked their relationship. It had been too complex too quickly, but Peyton had cared for the young single father deeply. Whenever she would go, Brooke would often show up at the house and find her a sobbing mess in the middle of her bedroom floor, clutching the cover of a Mile Davis album. She could listen to "It Never Entered My Mind" at any point and get lost in that same bittersweet melancholy that had defined that period of her young life. She was far too nostalgic for a sixteen-year-old.

Much like Jake, fighting with Lucas had always been a somber affair. They had yelled at each other when they had first began all those years ago, but at some point a long the way, they quit being passionate enough to scream. Instead, they would do the adult, responsible and respectable thing and talk about it calmly over coffee. Peyton often wondered if this was a bad omen – if it meant that they were so comfortable together that they'd let the fire burn out. She preferred to listen to Joni Mitchell after she fought with Luke, whether it was blaring from her iPod or replaying _Clouds_ for the millionth time. With one press of a button, she'd let "Both Sides Now" overtake her and forget that anything other than that harmony, those lyrics, this song existed. It was a sort of lifeline.

Her arguments with Julian were a little more heated, most likely because she was so angry with the world when they were together. They were dark and somber, like the undertones that dominated much of the hard rock genre. She likened him to AC/DC, where it was the same three chords over and over. While it worked, it wasn't ever really that great and everyone always recognized it exactly for what it was. She'd hear "Back in Black" in a stadium or on the car radio or randomly at the gym and instantly think about fighting with him during that lost year before she came home again.

But with Nathan, well, Nathan had kind of defied genre specifics. There were times when he could be purely hip hop, full of angry curses and putdowns that made Jay-Z an all-too-frequent guest in her music collection. And there were times when it was classic Scott, which meant that she'd blare something more timeless like Jefferson Airplane until she got lost in Grace Slick and "Somebody to Love." He could also be incredibly and strangely sweet when they'd had a falling out, convincing her to pull something like the Carpenters out. They even bickered in an almost-cute way that made her play actual bubblegum pop music as she danced around her red bedroom to the Go-Gos. And of course, there were the long, dragged out rights that they were famous for, the ones that made him call her emo and led her to play Dashboard Confessional until Brooke threatened her if she had to hear "Screaming Infidelities" one more time.

And sometimes it's this mishmash of music and mishmash of fights and mishmash of emotions that has had her holding on for so long, many years after their relationship and their friendship began. It's what makes her think that maybe they had both made too many mistakes and maybe they should be together now. Her life doesn't have much else in it other than him and Brooke and a fledgling record label. He has her and basketball and his son. They were both divorced before they had turned 30. They were both living in New York to keep from facing the realities that haunted them back in Tree Hill. They were pretty much living the same life, and much to Peyton's chagrin, they were living it apart.

She couldn't pinpoint exactly when it had changed. When Nathan had first signed to the Knicks, she had been thrilled to have someone else with her in New York. Brooke tried to come to the city as often as she could, but she was stationed on the West Coast now that the label had gone big time. Peyton had been divorced from Luke for a year at that point. When they had stopped fighting and stopped saying "I love you," she had pretty much thrown in the towel and didn't put up a fight when he had slid the legal papers across the table from her one night at dinner. Two weeks later, she had set up an office in Manhattan and moved into a cute loft, leaving Tree Hill and most of what went with it behind. Having Nathan here meant she had the only part of her hometown that she really still wanted with her.

For his part, Nathan had been thrilled to see her. He was glad to have a familiar face in the city and even happier to have someone in the stands rooting for him at all the home games. He took to New York and the Knicks like nothing Peyton had ever seen, instantly earning a slot in the starting lineup and a legion of faithful fans who waited for his autograph outside the locker room every night. He'd always scribble his name a few times before finding her green eyes among the crowd just a moment before she'd launch herself into his arms. She would be ecstatic and congratulatory if they'd won or he'd played well. She'd be sympathetic and genuinely downtrodden if he'd had a bad game or things hadn't worked out for the team. There were rumors in the local press that they were something of an item, but Nathan's agent always commented to the contrary. Both in the media spotlight and privately, Peyton and Nathan were, for all intents and purposes, only friends.

It didn't keep either of them for feeling more. However, neither of them was observant or confident enough to notice it. Peyton missed the way Nathan's face would light up when he saw her there every night or how proud he was when she'd stand up and cheer at MSG, wearing his bright blue jersey. It reminded him so much of when she'd cheer for him in high school and how gorgeous she'd been in his cobalt lettermen jacket. From the first time he'd seen her back at Tree Hill High School, she had hooked him in with those damn eyes. They were what kept him coming back time and time again. He was an addict, and every time she looked at him beneath her long lashes, it was just another fix.

Peyton's friendship had been irreplaceable for him after his divorce with Haley. After nearly a decade of marriage, little of it actually good, they had finally decided to stop fighting and start living. For them, that meant being apart. The only part that was hard for him was not seeing his son every day, but once he had been signed to the Knicks, he knew it was pretty much inevitable. He flew down to North Carolina on his days off and spoke to Jamie every day, whether it was on Skype from the comfort of his couch or by cell phone in a bustling airport. Peyton helped make those times between calls better, saving his soul by just her mere proximity. She made him stop, look at the stars, demanded that he live his life in this crazy wonderful city without feeling sorry for himself or having any regrets.

It is on those nights, when they would find themselves with a couple of beers on his apartment rooftop, that he missed the way she would watch him with all the love in the world shining in those eyes he loved so much. Peyton felt safe on that roof, like they were the only two in the world and all their past transgressions didn't matter. It was easy to forget about Lucas and Haley and the life they were building together – without Peyton and Nathan – back in Tree Hill. The gentle slide of his arm around her shoulders, her resting her head against his chest – every moment brought her a greater clarity. Staying like that, with him, was all she would ever need.

And for the most part, they had been content to let it go on like that until Haley had called in the middle of a Saturday afternoon and Lucas had dialed Peyton a few minutes after when she was still at her apartment getting ready to go to Nathan's game against the Hawks. "We're getting married," each had told their former spouses, sending Nathan's fist through a wall in his living room and Peyton's phone clattering to the wooden floor. Both had been met with dial tone a moment later. Nathan cursed and considered downing a fifth of vodka before remembering he had to be at the Garden in less than an hour. Peyton pulled out Joni Mitchell and cried on the floor of her closet as she held onto her stupid wedding dress. Their little world had just imploded and everything was pretty much a disaster.

Nathan wasn't surprised when Peyton didn't show up for his game. He hadn't played all that well, only barely putting up double digits and fouling out halfway through the fourth quarter. He had bypassed his fans and headed straight for the nearest dive bar where they kept people away from him so that he could just lose himself in the thick amber alcohol. After four scotches, he was feeling pretty good about the world and could have cared less about his ex-wife or his traitorous brother. After a couple more, he was angry again, and the eighth glass had Mickey, the bartender, on the phone with Peyton as he told her that she probably ought to come down there.

He was slumped over the bar, nearly passed out, when she showed up in her jeans and leather jacket. Her hair was wild and curly like it used to be back in high school, and her eyes were red and puffy, just as they too-often were back then. She had taken Nathan's wallet out of his pocket and handed over a credit card to pay his tab while rubbing soothing circles on his back. Once Mickey had handed her a receipt, she slipped it all into her purse and then reached for his hand to help him off his stool.

"Come on, I'm going to take you home," she whispered softly as she led him out into the darkness of night to where a cab was idling at the curb. After giving the driver his address, she wrapped her arm around him and let him bury his face in her shoulder to cry or sleep or whatever it that needed to do.

When they finally pulled up to the building, she paid the cabbie silently and dragged Nathan out of the taxi after her. He held onto her arm as they made their way through the front door. "Evening, Raul," Peyton called out to his doorman. He smiled and nodded politely to the blonde, recognizing her as a regular fixture at Mr. Scott's penthouse. Peyton managed to get him in the elevator and slid her key into take them up to the private floor that Nathan took up. Once they were off the lift and in the safe confines of his apartment, she collapsed along side him in the entryway and just started to sob. Nathan was so drunk that he didn't notice for fifteen minutes.

Once her sobs had subsided into muffled cries, Nathan shook himself awake enough to wrap her in his arms and kiss the top of her head messily. Peyton only started to cry harder as she buried her face in his chest. Nathan stroked her hair soothingly and lifted her up to carry her in the direction of the living room. Before either of them knew what was happening, they were falling onto the plush sofa in a tangle of arms and legs. Lips sought lips as hands found hands beneath the dark blanket of night. There would be ramifications to deal with later, but for now, this is what they needed. This was all they wanted.

_Soundtrack for this chapter: "Words and Music" by Sondre Lerche; "Rooftops and Invitations" by Dashboard Confessional; and "Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel._


	2. Chapter 2

The buildup had been inevitable. Nathan had felt it coming on for weeks, long before the phone call came from Tree Hill that told him what he pretty much already knew. Lucas was living in his house, with his wife, with his son, with his old life. It was hard to watch on a stranger and even harder to see with your own brother. And so, he held onto the only other person who could ever understand what it was like to see your entire life slipping away.

His friendship with Peyton had been mutual before tonight. She had needed him as much as he needed her. There had been a constant give-and-take, the kind of thing where when was down, the other was determined to be up. He had more than his share of down days, but Peyton was uncharacteristically positive during those waning weeks. She was always there with a smile, words of encouragement, a bottle of whiskey – whatever it took to get him through the night. He shouldn't have been surprised that she had shown up for him again tonight but he still was. Good girls like Peyton Sawyer (she'd gone back to using her maiden name after the divorce) just didn't happen to guys like Nathan Scott twice.

And yet, here he was, watching her sleep in his bed, wearing nothing but a contented smile. Though he could only remember how they got there in bits and pieces, he knew that it was somehow exactly where he belonged. There could possibly be regrets in the morning, but for now, he was just happy to have her there with him like this. It wasn't often that Peyton leapt without looking.

"I'm going to make this okay," he whispered to her in the dark, knowing that she was too far gone from the world to ever hear him. Peyton slept sounder than anyone he had ever known and he couldn't help but be very grateful for that at the moment. It afforded him the ability to push a wayward blonde curl from her forehead and then brush his fingers across the soft curve of her cheek. The moonlight cast through the large window perfect as to light her face. She was the very definition of perfect. "I don't know how, Peyt, but I'm going to make all of this okay for you."

He said the words like a solemn vow, an unknown promise his heart was making to hers. She had saved him tonight, pulling him out of the dark abyss that he could have so easily lost himself in. It could have been a repeat of the accident all over again, and this time he stood to lose so much more than he had then. She broke down those barriers and refused to let him be alone. Peyton was the only one he could have ever let in, and that's why he planned on stopping by the bar tomorrow morning to leave a very generous tip for the smartest bartender Nathan had ever met.

It's this comfort that allows Nathan to finally give into his exhaustion and find the sleep that he so desperately needed. He dreamt of dark nights on back roads in his truck, the one he'd driven when he had dated Peyton in high school. He imagined driving with her to the beach and kissing her on the sound beneath a blanket of a million stars. His mind took him places he hadn't been in a very long time and places that he had really started to miss. It was happy in that dreamworld in a way that Nathan's conscious mind wouldn't let him be. He couldn't imagine ever feeling that at peace.

It is this safety, this sense of home, that greeted him in the morning. Peyton was still wrapped around him, though she was awake now. Nathan smiled down at her shyly as she leaned up to hug him, neither of them saying a word or worrying about bad breath. The air of romance from the night before was gone. In its place was the connection that has sustained them far longer than a few fleeting kisses stolen in the darkness of night.

"G'mornin'," she whispered softly as she snuggled beneath the down comforter. "Do you remember what happened?"

"I drank a lot of vodka, you picked me up and we came back here," he recounted. "It gets a little fuzzy in parts, but I remember all the important ones – like you still shiver when I kiss the crook of your neck and that your feet are freezing cold in the morning."

Peyton blushed prettily as she covered her face with her hands. "Well, I guess I don't have to have the awkward conversation where I explain to you how I ended up naked in your bed," she said, clearly relieved. "Instead, I am going to opt with the awkward conversation where I ask if you are okay with what happened and how you're doing with what Haley said to you on the phone."

"We're friends, Peyt, it doesn't have to be weird," he assured her. "We're both going through a lot and it seems pretty natural that we seek comfort somewhere. I'd rather it be with you than some random stranger I have to worry about clinging to me or trying to pull some other crazy stunt."

"Yeah, right, friends," she agreed hollowly, not wanting her disappointment to show through. It reminded her of how she used to probably make Luke feel in high school and the way that she sometimes felt when she was with Nate. The intimacy of the moment was gone, and she was doing her best to make sure he was none the wiser. "I guess I should get going. I have a full day."

Nathan looked at her with wide eyes. "Already, I thought we could have breakfast."

"I'm not making you an omelet, Scott, so you're going to have to get your chow somewhere else," she called out as she gathered her clothes and headed into the bathroom. Peyton had just managed to get the door shut before the first tear felt. Sliding down the floor, she pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her hands before allowing the tears to come. If only for a moment, she was comforted by the sadness overwhelming her. It was an emotion that she was used to and one that she could use to distance herself from what was happening.

After a few minutes, she pulled herself together and started to dress slowly. She could hear the rustle of Nathan getting dressed on the other side of the door and tried to forget what he looked like without clothes. "Dammit, Sawyer, you should have known better," she cursed at her reflection. "We've been down this road before. You know where it ends up – nowhere. You're done with dead ends."

In his bedroom, Nathan was doing everything he could not to panic. He hadn't meant what he said when he talked about them being friends, but he didn't want Peyton to feel awkward. It was evident that last night wasn't planned and the last thing he wanted her to do was feel bad about what happened between them. It had meant everything to him to have her in his arms, and if she looked at him with questions in those beautiful green eyes, he'd probably lose it.

"I'm going to go start the coffee," he called out, waiting for Peyton to reply. When he was only met with a rush of running water, he smiled to himself and headed to his spacious kitchen to turn on the brewer. He allowed snapshots of the previous night to come back to him as he changed out the pod on the coffeemaker, remembering how she had looked beneath him and felt around him. The bed was the one place that Peyton and Nathan had _always_ gotten it right, and last night had proven to be no different.

The problem with the two of them was always what came after. He had told himself that he wouldn't fall for her when they first got together back in high school, but from that first date, it was already too late. She had captivated his heart easily and completely, even if he never let it show. In fact, that's why he did a lot of what he did back then. He wanted to her hurt her before she could be him. He couldn't be the one to lose her. Peyton was strong enough to survive it, but Nathan knew that he would never make it.

That need to push her away, one that was apparently still alive and well, created more fights than Nathan cared to remember. It's probably why she had told him senior year that they were terrible together. Sometimes he wonders if that's how he ended up with Haley. Sure, a lot of it was about his hatred for Luke but part of it had to do with Peyton. The part that needed redemption, the lonely kid looking for a chance, that had everything to do with their breakup and very little to do with his brother or his ex-wife.

And that's why he considers it so amazing that he ended up being so close to Peyton. Through everything, they managed to have a friendship that really wasn't the epicenter of the group dynamic but it was always there. Even if no one else acknowledged it, Nathan knew that he mattered to Peyton and was confident she knew that she was critical to him. He couldn't have made it this far without her, especially this past year since the divorce. Call it cruel timing, call it fate, call it whatever – he was meant to have her in his life.

He knew this is probably why he shouldn't be pushing her away right now. He needed Peyton, he had just admitted as much to himself. Last night had done little to squelch the feelings he had been carrying around for her for years. It had only left him wanting more, tantalizing him promises of something more permanent – maybe even to the point of being a new kind of forever. It's this that is on his mind when she comes into the kitchen, a cobalt blue hoodie with his name and number embroidered across the chest. There was no greater conflict here than the one he was having with himself.

"Coffee ready?" she asked as she pulled two mugs down from the cabinet.

Nathan nodded and pulled the carafe out to fill each of them to the brim. "So big day?"

"Something like that," she shrugged. "I'll get out of your hair."

Peyton started to grab her purse on the counter when Nathan caught her by the wrist. "Peyt, slow down a minute."

"Nate, c'mon, no big deal, right?"

"I shouldn't have said that. It is a big deal. A very big deal. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, you know this about me."

"I'm not saying we have to figure this all out right now. I just want to know there is something here to figure out."

Nathan looked at her as he racked his brain for exactly the right words. One misstep and he would send Peyton away for too long. He needed for her to know this was about them, not Luke and Haley. He needed for her to understand that even if he is scared, it doesn't mean that he doesn't care. Most of all, he needed her to know that, yeah, there was something there. When those words failed to come, he gathered her in his arms and kissed her soundly until he felt her go limp against him. Then, and only then, did he whisper into her ear, "There's something here."

_Soundtrack to this chapter: "Colorblind" by Counting Crows; "In the Garage" by Weezer; and "Situations" by Jack Johnson._


	3. Chapter 3

"You do realize we have to tell them."

Nathan looked across the table at her and shook his head softly before diverting his attention back to the newspaper spread out in front of him. The Nets box score looked just a little too good, which meant extra work in the weight room after that afternoon's practice. That was something worth worrying about. Peyton's proposal to tell them – to tell his brother and his ex-wife – that they had fallen back into old patterns was not. In fact, it was the last thing he intended to do, especially since it had only been a week since their first night together.

"I'm actually enjoying this right now, Peyt," he said pointedly without moving his eyes away from rebound stats. He looked so much like his father in the moment that it sent an unfamiliar shiver down Peyton's spine. She had hated his Dan Scott moments when she was a kid and the feeling hadn't changed. "We're having fun, getting to know each other like this. The last thing I want to do is ruin it by having life-altering, overly defining 'what-does-it-all-mean' conversations with our exes. We both know that there is something going on here. Can't that be enough for now?"

Peyton actually wished that his explanation was enough for her. She wished she could be cool enough to blow it off but she wasn't eighteen anymore. Relationships actually meant something beyond the next morning and high school. It meant complicated blood lines and children with the same blue eyes and alimony payments.

"Nate, I just want to prepare you for the moment that this quits being just for fun and starts getting real because eventually, they are going to find out. Unless you plan on keeping your life completely separate from me, there will come a day when I'm around Jamie and you'll slip up by calling me 'babe' or reach out to hold my hand while we wait for the elevator. I get that it's too much, too fast, but I have to be realistic here. One of us has to be an adult."

She sounded too much like Haley in that moment, and it struck a nerve in Nathan. He slammed his coffee mug down on the counter a little too loudly and stalked off toward his bathroom to change into work out clothes. Peyton didn't bother to follow him, staying behind to clean up the kitchen and enjoy the rest of the untouched _Times_ waiting for her. Nathan appeared a few minutes later looking sheepish, standing in the doorway and holding an old t-shirt uselessly.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. The words were so quiet that Peyton almost missed them over the hum of the refridgerator. She looked at him expectantly, silently prodding him for more. "I know that we have to be prepared to deal with this. That means we have to tell..._them_...but I don't want to ruin our happiness. Here, in New York, I can pretend that none of that is happening. Once we go back there, go home, it becomes real. I don't know about you but I'm not ready for that yet."

Sliding off the stool, Peyton came over and slid her arms around his sturdy torso. "I get that, Nate, I do," she assured him. "And home isn't Tree Hill anymore, at least not for me. I know you have Jamie there, but that place stopped being that for me when my dad died. You and Brooke are my home now, the only two people that still care what happens to me."

"You know that's not true," he retorted, looking down at her as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. What he didn't say but what she heard was that Luke still cared and Haley still cared and probably a handful of other people that he couldn't name. "Look, I am going to fly down there this weekend to see Jamie. I'll talk to Hales then if you want. You can come with if you want or just call Luke. Whatever you want to do, Peyt, I'm willing to do. I just needed you to know what's on my mind."

She smiled warmly and shook her head. "I think we can take a little more time to decide what's what," she relented before accepting the gentle kiss Nathan offered. He hugged her tightly and dropped a few more kisses on the top of her head. "You better get going. I don't want Coach to make you run extra laps if you're late."

It wasn't high school, but Nathan definitely felt like it when Peyton showed up at his game the next night in a hoodie bearing his number. She made him giddy and happy in a way that he hadn't been in a long time and his playing showed it. He was putting up impressive statistics even for him, and the entire team had a certain carefree blonde to thank. And much like high school, it felt heart-wrenching to think about being away from her for three days when she went to the airport to say goodbye, kissing her outside the terminal for all the fans to see.

Nathan had a great weekend with his son. They visited his mother and Whitey. They played basketball at the River Court and went into Charlotte to see a Bobcats game so that Nathan could catch up with a few old friends. They drove out to the beach and chased the waves for a few hours. When Nathan finally dropped him off on Sunday afternoon, he told Haley that they needed to talk about Jamie coming to New York for a week over his upcoming school vacation. Haley had been reluctant at first until Nathan had agreed to fly out to accompany Jamie to and from Tree Hill. After one final hug, Nathan said a sad goodbye to his little boy but felt a little bit better knowing that he had a blonde waiting for him back in the city.

Peyton had decided to drive to the airport to surprise him but had gotten held up with traffic. Cursing at the line of cabs waiting at the curb, she scanned the sea of passenger in hopes of spotting her favorite brunette. When she saw him waiting in the queue for a taxi, she stopped the car in the middle of the passing lane and jumped out to stop him. Nathan's face lit up as the crazy blonde pushed her way through the crowds to run into his arms. The world seemed to get a little smaller when he caught her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"I'm pretty sure your car is about to get towed," he murmured in her ear as he settled her back onto the ground.

Peyton blushed a pretty crimson as she looked back at where the car was blocking traffic. She giggled as she grabbed his hand and ran back through the crowd to the safety of the convertible. An angry traffic cob was waving his hands frantically as she slid behind the steering wheel. Nathan flashed an apologetic smile as he tried to explain away his girlfriend's behavior, but thankfully, the older man was a huge Knicks fan and his signature on the back of his ticket pad seemed to suffice. Nathan took down his name and badge number, promising to get him a pair of tickets for an upcoming game. Peyton would make sure that he made good on his promise later.

"So tell me everything," she insisted on the way back to her apartment. She listened contently as Nathan talked about his time with Jamie and their plans for his upcoming visit. After he had told her about visiting Deb, she smiled at him across the console and patted his arm. "That's really great, Nate."

"Yeah, well, I missed you like crazy."

"Oh?"

"Like crazy," he repeated. "In fact, I was thinking that we should go out tonight. I think I need to take you dancing. And maybe to Serendipity for frozen hot chocolate. And I'm thinking that we need to go for a long walk tonight. I feel like something is in the air."

The whole change in Nathan was a twist of fate that Peyton couldn't seem to reconcile with the boy that she used to know. But like any time when they were together, she elected to believe that it didn't have to be decided right then. Instead, she would embrace his "love 'em tonight, figure it out tomorrow" mentality. What she doesn't account for is what happens two hours later.

After a nice dinner, Peyton and Nathan had tumbled into a bar for drinks. His anonymity only lasted fifteen minutes before a table full of bachelors recognized him and started sending drinks his way. After Nathan had downed two, he invited the guys over to thank them. They ended up hitting it off and dragging him away to play a game of darts. Twenty minutes later, Peyton headed toward the back room in search of her long-lost date. She wasn't all-too-pleased to find him surrounded by a bevy of blondes, brunettes and redheads in the corner.

Nathan looked up from an overly friendly with brunette with her hand on his thigh to see Peyton posed stoically in the doorway. She only shook her head as she turned on her red high heel and glided effortlessly out of the bar. Peyton could hear him calling from behind her but she didn't turn back. Instead, she raised her arm and hailed a cab. Nathan had almost made it to her when the taxi pulled away.

_Soundtrack to this chapter: "Kill the Messenger" by Jack's Mannequin; "The Mating Game" by Bitter:Sweet; and "I am a Rock" by Paul Simon._


	4. Chapter 4

The night after things fell apart, Peyton woke early to head to Central Park for a run. It was one of the few places in the city she could find the quiet serenity that the comforts of Tree Hill had once afforded her so freely. She used to hate running when she was younger, when it was forced upon her by gym class or expected of her to keep in shape because of cheerleading. When she moved to the city, she felt a need to commune with nature in the otherwise concrete jungle. She hadn't been running much lately, but just as any time she needed to work something out in her head, she headed to the Park with her earbuds blaring loudly to search for direction.

It had been paradise, an albeit temporary one, in those early weeks with Nathan, but even then, Peyton had never trusted it fully. She knew that they were always waiting for the other shoe to drop when she would get neurotic and he would get cocky. These characteristics were as innate as their respective loves for music and basketball. It was part of why neither of their relationships ever worked out with anyone and particularly why theirs hadn't years ago. Still, she had clung in vain to a hope that it would actually work this time. She had needed to believe in that false hope because it kind of felt like all she had right now.

That was until she watched him slip into old habits last night. Flashes of lonely nights at house parties in high school came rushing back to her and she found herself feeling just as insecure as she had then. She had vowed to never be that girl after she had broken up with Nathan because she never wanted to be cheated on again. She had let him do it too much then, given him permission to break her heart over and over again until it all became too much and they exploded in a ball of rage and fury. That wasn't the ending she wanted for them this time. This time meant something more.

As she slowed her steady gait to a comfortable walk, Peyton contemplated how easy it had all come to them and how hard it would be to let it go. She had allowed herself to lose herself completely in him for days, wrapped up in the feelings and the motions. And she knew that Nathan felt it too, that it was just as real as for him as it was for her. However, neither of them trusted the fates enough to be strong enough to give in completely. Until that could happen, she feared that there would always be nights like last night. The seven missed calls and four untouched voice mails on her phone told her as much.

Across town, Nathan was waking up on his living room couch with a massive migraine and an aching back. It was an off day, and he thanked the basketball gods that he didn't have to head out for training or practice. The ceiling spinning slightly overhead looked just as bleak as it had last night when he had crawled in just before dawn. The lack of beeping come from his cell indicated that Peyton still hadn't bothered to call him back. He knew that even if last night was mostly a misunderstanding, he had still messed up. It seemed to be a pattern in his life that he was destined to repeat. He knew it was up to him to break the habit, but before last night, he had never really seen the point.

Watching Peyton walk away from him like that had broken a little piece of Nathan's heart. She had once told him that "everyone leaves," and to be on the receiving end of it pretty much sucked. It reminded him of all the times he had walked out on her and tears that she had likely shed when he had left her to be with someone else. He had never wanted Peyton to feel that away again because of him, and last night, he had failed at that.

After he had forced himself to down a couple aspirin and take a hot shower, Nathan grabbed a quick breakfast and a bottle of water from the fridge before slipping into his running shoes. Running had always been good for clearing his head and had often been an escape from the hell of Dan Scott. He knew that a quick loop around Central Park was exactly what the doctor ordered. What he didn't expect was the blur of blonde curls that greeted him at the entrance off Eighth.

"Sawyer!" he called as he jogged up to where she had stopped. She was running in place, checking her pulse between sips of water. Her frown slowly disappeared into a small smile as he drew near. Peyton reached up to self-consciously brush a wild curl that had fallen across her beautiful green eyes, and Nathan longed to do it for her. "Hey, I wasn't sure you would stop."

Peyton smiled down at her pink and black trainers and then up at him. "Yeah, well, I figured we should probably talk, and the Park seems a lot better than your house. Besides, people don't just run into each other here if it isn't for a reason, right?"

He took her comment to mean something about fate and nodded agreeably. "Look, about last night..."

"You're sorry, I know," she deadpanned. "You can save it, Nate. I've heard it literally hundreds of times from you. This is who you are, I should have known better. I just thought I could expect something different this time around."

"It is different and you know it," he argued strongly. "Peyt, I know I screwed up last night. I should have paid more attention to you and not my fans. I hate to say it like this, but you know how I get. I didn't invite those girls over and I certainly didn't want to hang out with them. I was trying to be polite and it got out of hand. It's not an excuse; it's the truth. I messed up but not in the way you think. I just should have been more focused on my priorities and not the distractions that came up."

Peyton took one look in his eyes and knew it was genuine. "There are always going to be distractions."

"I know that," he relented, his voice softer this time. He slowly led her over to a bench so that they could just sit together and be still. "Peyt, I have always been able to do pretty much whatever I wanted. I was an amazing athlete. I was charming. I could make the impossible possible with the flick of the wrist or the wink of an eye. Life came easy to me, pretty much even with Haley. But with you, nothing has ever been easy. You challenge me in the best way possible. You don't let me have anything easy. You make me earn it."

"I'm not something that can just be bought or a goal to achieve. You can't just decide you want me and then get me," she attempted to explain. "It takes work, Nate. I know that you know that. I just need you to show me that now. I don't want more nights like last night. I shouldn't have left. I should have stayed. That's my bad. I am sorry that I did leave you like that without really talking to you first. I am going to try not to do that again."

Nathan nodded softly in acceptance of her apology. "And I am going to do my best to not give you a reason to need to leave in the first place," he vowed. "If it gets to that point, I need for you to point it out to me before it gets too late. I know you stewed on it for awhile before you came looking for me. That's what I love about you, Peyton. You call me on my shit. You don't just let me get away with everything. I need you to do that – make me accountable."

"I can do that. I really am sorry, Nate."

"I know, me too," he retorted before reaching out to pull her into his arms. Peyton went easily, burying her face in his shoulder and breathing in the scent of his sweat and soap. It was comforting and much-welcomed after their brief distance these past twelve hours. "Would it be awful to say I missed you?" She shook her head against his chest, earning a deep chuckle from Nathan. "Why don't I take you back to my apartment so that you can shower? We can go grab a proper brunch after."

Peyton agreed readily and the two of them made their way back to his apartment to change to eat. What they didn't see what a familiar lanky blonde sitting across the street from his building, waiting on a park bench with a cup of coffee for his brother to return. Lucas was surprised to see his ex-wife walking hand-in-hand with Nathan as they laughed about something. They were both flushed and dressed in full workout gear, and the familiarity sent of unwarranted alarms in the writer's head. Something was clearly going on between his brother and Peyton, and he didn't like it one bit.

Once the pair had disappeared into the building, Lucas tried to figure out what to do next. He thought about pulling out his phone to call Haley for advice but thought better of it until he knew what was really going on. He contemplated confronting one or both of them while he was in New York. He even briefly considered pounding on Nathan's door right now to see if he could catch them mid-liaison. What he didn't consider amidst all this was why he was worried about what they were doing in the first place or the jealousy it seemed to create.

Twenty minutes later, the two of them reappeared outside the building, talking animatedly about their plans. Peyton was dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie so big he knew it had to be Nathan's. There a comfortable familiarity between the two that told Nathan that this wasn't an isolated incident. It was clear they had been spending a lot of time together and not just as friends. Theirs was a relationship that went beyond being platonic, and Lucas felt ill at ease with the possible repercussions of such an arrangement.

As the two of them took off down the street, Lucas kept a healthy distance between them but continued to watch their interactions. Their fingers were intertwined together, hands swinging freely between them. Peyton's sweatshirt bore the Scott name and number across the back. People called out to Nathan every so often, occasionally even stopping him for an autograph. Peyton waited idly by, smiling politely at the fans and adoringly up at Nathan. It was the latter that Lucas noticed was returned with equal emotion.

When they finally reached a small patisserie a few blocks from the apartment, Peyton and Nathan disappeared inside. Lucas stayed out of the restaurant and stationed himself across the street. He felt silly for basically stalking his own brother and ex-wife, but it was the only thing he could figure out to do right now. It felt so much, _too much_, like watching her back in high school. All of that, everything that had happened that year, hadn't ended up so great. As he watched the two of them waiting in line and laughing happily with each other, Lucas couldn't help but feel like history was doomed to repeat itself all over again.

_Soundtrack to this chapter: "Like Lovers Do" by Heather Nova; "I Can't Get Next to You" by Al Green; and "In the First Place" by Hoku._


	5. Chapter 5

Three days later, Nathan came home to his apartment after an extensive practice to find Peyton sprawled out on his living room floor surrounded by a stack of discs and notebooks. Dressed in an old white tank top, a pair of his sweatpants rolled up several times and her glasses, she was the picture of total comfort while she bopped her head in time to the silent music playing in her headphones. Nathan watched her as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, her eyes never opening to meet his. Peyton was lost in the music and he knew better than to try to bring her back to his world.

By the time he had showered and changed into lounge clothes of his own, Peyton had put away the headphones and hunched over her notebooks to make marks about the music she'd just heard. There were artists that she was interested in signing and others that would get polite letters expressing her regret. Nathan loved to watch her work, the way that she made thoughtful notes about her favorite songs and what needed work and who she wanted to hear more from. The discs were organized in neat piles, the interested one much shorter than the other. She held up her hand when he cleared his throat from the doorway, waving dismissively to delay their conversation. Only when she had set the final case back in place did she put away her notebook and acknowledge his presence formally.

"What's up, babe?"

Nathan chuckled deeply and shook his head. "Good music?"

"Some good, some not so great," she answered as she shuffled the collection back into her oversized tote. "I hope you don't mind that I set up camp here. They were doing renovations in the next office and I didn't feel like hoofing it all the way downtown just to come back up here when you got done at practice."

"Not at all," he answered as he fell to the carpet next to her. Peyton smiled up at him and leaned her head against his sturdy shoulder. "I kind of like having you in my world."

"Good because I like being here," she replied softly, letting her eyes fall shut. They were quiet like that for several minutes. Nathan almost thought that Peyton had fallen asleep until she peered up at him. This is nice, isn't it?"

"Mmhmm," he murmured as he trailed his long fingers through her hair. Peyton hummed her appreciation and curled up closer to him. Nathan smiled at the easy way they fell into their nightly routine. "Are you going to be able to make it to the game tomorrow?"

Peyton nodded without opening her eyes. "Yeah, but then I have to head to this club to check out a band. I'd ask you to go but I know you're always beat after," she said. "Besides, your flight is early on Saturday. What time do you think you'll be back Sunday?"

Nathan was headed to Chicago and then Atlanta for the weekend. He wasn't looking forward to either game, though both were sure to add to the Knicks' win column. He just hated the days that he was away from Peyton now, especially if it didn't mean that he was with his son. However, they had the All-Star break coming up and other than playing in the game, he had a little bit of down time. He planned on spending every minute of it with Peyton and Jamie, the first time they'd all spend together since the blonde had officially become his girlfriend.

"It'll probably be pretty late. If you want, I'll just take a cab to your place that way you don't have to wait for me here. Or I can just catch up with you Monday."

"No, come to my apartment," she insisted. "I'll miss you too much by then to wait another twenty-four hours. I think I am going to call Brooke this weekend and tell her about us. I figure she'll be a great test subject for how telling Luke and Haley."

"Brooke will be happy," he said confidently. "As for my brother and Hales, well, that's a different story."

Meanwhile, a few hundred miles away in a sleepy North Carolina town, Lucas was sitting in his dark study, staring at a blinking cursor on a blank computer screen. He had been at it for an hour and hadn't come up with as much as a title. He had thought that seeing his brother in New York would help clear his mind and give him some inspiration. He hadn't planned on finding his ex-wife in Nathan's arms instead.

Lucas knew that he had no right to be jealous, but seeing Peyton so happy with another man had always done that to him. Even now, after he had bravely confessed his love for Haley and put his past behind him, it was hard to see her with him. It would always remind him that Peyton had chosen Nathan first, long before she had known that he had ever existed. It shouldn't matter now, especially after they had a divorce decree that proved she had chosen him too once. However, it did matter because Peyton had been his, the girl he was sure he would love for all the days of his life. No matter how much he loved his better friend, it couldn't change that.

He also had no idea how he was going to tell Haley that Nathan had moved on. Their divorce had been under different circumstances than his own from Peyton, and he knew that it wouldn't be as easy for her. Hales still loved Nathan on some level, one that was different from how he cared for Peyton. They shared Jamie. All Peyton and Lucas had between them were a few photo albums and some old home movies.

It had been strange finally getting with Haley. He had thought it to be the right thing before it even happened. They had spent a lot of time consoling each other after their divorces. They had gone through something that no one else could understand. Luke couldn't talk to Nathan about it, and Haley couldn't seem to confide in Peyton. There had been too many shadows, too many places to hide, to prevent either of them from being honest with anyone but each other. It was only because of her that he had been able to make his heart right again and become steady on his feet. She had brought him luck that had turned into love.

He knew that the announcement that they were getting married couldn't have been easy for Peyton or Nathan. He had tried to imagine how it'd be before he told them, how he would react if the situation were reversed. Lucas had actually managed to convince himself that he would be happy for them. Nothing could have prepared him for finding them hand-in-hand that day and realizing he wouldn't have been glad for them at all.

"Hey, Luke, dinner is almost ready."

He looked up from the computer to find Haley leaning against the door jamb. She sure was beautiful, the best girl he'd ever known. "Thanks, Hales. Need any help?"

"Jamie could probably use a little direction with setting the table."

"I'll be right in," he promised with a soft smile. She smiled back at him before turning back in the direction of the kitchen. Lucas quickly shut down the computer and tucked it away, hoping that he could find his muse among dinner conversation about math tests and soccer practices. He didn't look at the old photograph he kept of Peyton in his top desk drawer as he slid his notepad on top of a stack of old letters. That would just have to wait for now.

The next night, Peyton arrived at the Garden just before tip off and made her way down to her usual seat with a nod to the security guard who frequently was responsible for their small reserved section. Nathan was focused on his warmups and didn't notice as she slipped into her seat. Three minutes later, the guys were lining up at center court and two hours later, they were huddled on the sideline with less than a minute to go.

The game had been a frantic one, a continuous back and forth for the lead that had left the Knicks down by two points. Nathan had been having a great night but so had the star player on the Celtics. Peyton had been poised on the edge of her seat for most of the last half, alternating between biting the inside of her cheek in nervousness and screaming at the top of her lungs in elation. She found herself standing on her feet like most of the crowd as the referee blew his whistle to end the time out. Nathan looked cool and relaxed as usual as he made his way out to the floor.

Forty-five seconds later, the game was still at the same score, but the ball was down in the Knicks' court. A series of intricate passes had the ball traveling around the court at a rapid pace, leaving players' hands as quickly as they landed there. The center finally found Nathan at home just on the cusp of the three-point line. As the loud wail of the final buzzer rang out in Madison Square Garden, the ball swished through the net, winning the Knicks the game.

Peyton covered her mouth in silent joy as fans rushed the court. Nathan got lost in the sea of his teammates for a moment, trading jabs and yelling in celebration at the last-second win. Once he got his bearings a little better, he rushed to the bleachers to find his favorite blonde. She nearly jumped into his arms as he pulled her down to the court to join in the boisterous commotion. Screams and cheers swirled around them but as Nathan held her in the middle of the floor, it was just like it was when he was a Raven and she was the only girl he saw. Peyton smiled that smile at him and pressed her forehead to his in the middle of the crowd before accepting a long and deep kiss. In that moment, there was no one else but them. That kind of perceived isolation is the only way they could explain how they missed the cameras focused on their kiss, televising it for the entire world to see and leaving two people in Tree Hill to wonder what the hell was going on.

_Soundtrack to this chapter: "Juicy" by Better Than Ezra; "In Repair (Acoustic)" by John Mayer; and "Only You" by Joshua Radin._


	6. Chapter 6

"We need to talk."

The call came in the middle of the night the next day when Nathan was dead asleep in a luxury hotel in Chicago and Peyton was asleep in his bed in New York. She saw his name flashing on the screen and immediately regretted finding it on Nathan's nightstand. The last thing she wanted to do was to pick it up, to upset the delicate balance of happiness she had struck over the past several weeks. Life would have to be dealt with in a few days, but with Nathan away, it was like taking a mental vacation. Answering the phone would put that to an abrupt end. Knowing that, she still answered it on the off chance that there was an emergency. No good calls came at 2 a.m., and she could never forgive herself if it really was something.

"Is it Jamie? Nathan or Brooke?" she asked the only two questions that she cared about. Once she had the answers to both inquiries, she would go back to the very nice dream she was having about being on the beach with Nathan. As she twirled a blonde curl around her index finger, she made a mental note to propose a vacation in the near future. "I am guessing that you have a real reason for calling me in the middle of the night that has nothing to do with you and me."

Lucas hated how bitter Peyton sounded but knew that he deserved it. Even if their divorce hadn't been the worst in world's history, it was enough to put an angry lilt in her voice that he had never wanted to hear. "They're fine, they're all fine," he assured her. He could hear Jamie's light snoring down the hallway and the rustling of sheets as Haley turned over. "I need to tell you something."

Peyton scowled in the dark at a face that couldn't see hers as she sat up. "Luke, listen, I said that I was fine with the engagement or whatever. We don't need to talk at length about this. It's not my business, not anymore," she retorted. She just wanted this conversation to be over as quickly as possible. "You should be more worried about making a good life with Haley and trying to repair the relationship you have with your brother than anything between us. We can't be friends, Lucas. The best we can hope for is for things to be amicable with us and then–"

"I saw you with him," he interrupted her. "I came to New York to talk to Nate and saw the two of you outside his apartment. You were with him, like _with_ him and holding his hand. And I hated it, Peyt. It was awful and I couldn't figure out why I felt that way and I knew it wasn't fair to you. I tried to forget about it. I knew I shouldn't be jealous..."

"No, Luke, I'm not doing this with you," Peyton stopped him short. "I refuse. You don't get to call and discuss my relationship with your brother. I was going to come to Tree Hill with Nathan and talk to you and Haley about it. Until I am with Nathan, you and I are not going to talk about this."

She ended the call without bothering to hear what Lucas had to say. She was sure she had just given him fodder for another sequel to the first book he'd written about her but she didn't care. The only thing she cared about was dialing Nathan's number in the dark and the sleepy way he answered it It only took two rings before his panicked voice filled her ear.

"What is it? Are you okay? Babe?"

Peyton laughed softly at his concern, a little piece of her heart fluttering at his warmth. "I'm fine, Babe," she assured him. "I just needed to hear your voice. Luke called. I was awful. It's 2 a.m. and I'm fairly sure I'm not making any sense. I just...I miss you."

Nathan chuckled softly in response as he relaxed backward on the bed. He could imagine her wrapped in his white sheets with her curls all over his pillows, and it was the comforting feeling of home that filled his mind and his heart. "Luke called?"

"Yeah, he saw us in New York. I guess he came to talk to you or something, I don't know. He was outside of your apartment building or whatever, and he saw us. I think it was the day after we had that fight at the bar."

He had to admit he hadn't expected that. "And what did you say?"

"I told him that it wasn't his business and that I wasn't going to talk to him about it until we came to Tree Hill together. I dealt with it by not dealing with it," she told him honestly. "He told me that he was jealous and that he hated seeing us together. I don't know. It was just...it sucked."

"I'm sorry, babe," he said softly. He wished that he was back in New York with her, that he could have answered the phone or at least been there to hold her afterward. He wanted to fly to North Carolina and kick his brother's ass on the River Court like he had when they were kids. "I'll be home tomorrow night. We can talk about it then and go to Tree Hill next week."

Peyton could sense that he was trying to get her off the phone so that he could call Lucas himself. "You're not calling him," she said. "And you're not calling her. I get the feeling that Haley doesn't know about us or that Luke might have come to see me. I know he said he was there for you but I don't think it's true..."

"Alright, alright, I won't call him," he promised with a knowing smile. He loved that Peyton could read him like a book. "But I won't promise that I'm not going to kick his ass when I see him for making you upset in the middle of the night." He swiped his hand over his hair. "Babe, I'm sorry to cut this short but if you're okay, I am going to try to get a few hours."

"Night, Nate."

"Night, Peyt, I love you."

The words had come easily and she didn't realize what he had said until she had shut off the phone. Peyton smiled up at the ceiling in the dark for a minute before reaching for the lamp. She padded around the apartment until she found what she was looking for, a stray vinyl that she had brought from her place to make use of the player she had picked up for Nathan last weekend at a flea market in Soho. Jay-Z's pounding bass lines filled the living room and brought him back home.

Six hours later, Nathan walked into Philips Arena and took survey of the court. After a long warmup and a rousing pickup practice, they broke for lunch and split off into groups to grab food from the traveling cafeteria the team's chef set up. He was just picking through the grilled chicken for his massive salad when one of the physical trainers came over to tell him he had a visitor. Since he didn't know anyone in Atlanta, he figured it was someone who worked with the Knicks organization. Instead, he was met with a familiar blonde that always did something to him.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hello, Little Brother," Lucas announced. Nate could tell easily that he had been drinking.

"You need to go, Luke,_ now_."

"So you're doing Peyton again, huh?"

Blake, the trainer, looked over at him worriedly. Most of the guys who were around him regularly knew and loved Peyton. "Is there a problem here?"

Nathan thought about saying no, that this was something he could handle or whatever, but this wasn't the time. "Yeah, my brother here needs to go. Don't let him back in. I have a game to prepare for and I don't need him getting in my head space."

He turned his back and walked away, ignoring the calls of his brother and the pleas of being saved that followed. He knew that security would take care of it and only felt a little guilty for doing this. This wasn't his fight anymore. Luke quit being his problem with the advent of Laley, as Brooke would say. Nathan's only focus was on another blonde, his favorite blonde. Peyton was his world.

_Soundtrack to this chapter: "Currents" by Dashboard Confessional; "Family Affair" by Abra Moore; and "Best for Last" by Adele._


	7. Chapter 7

The plane touched down on a Tuesday morning, with a blonde basketball coach and author waiting aside his English teacher fiancee and a perfectly behaved boy waiting at the terminal. A New York-based record executive stepped off the plane hand-in-hand with her superstar NBA-playing boyfriend with a pair of wheeled suitcases being pulled behind them. To anyone on the outside, it seemed to be a kind reunion between old friends and family. However, to the four adults involved in the very complicated situation, they knew it was all a ruse. In fact, Haley and Lucas wouldn't even be at the airport if Jamie hadn't insisted they come.

"Here, let me get that," Lucas offered as he dropped Haley's hand and reached for Peyton's suitcase. She wasn't sure if she should resent his eagerness to help her or feel sorry for the brunette for her dote of a fiancee's ignorance. Nathan shifted uncomfortably next to her, likely caught up in the same mental struggle she had going on inside her head. "How was your guys flight?"

"Fine," Nathan said tightly before catching the ball of energy that was his son. Nathan buried his face in Jamie's hair and held him tightly. Both Peyton and Haley smiled affectionately at the father-son reunion. "Hey, buddy. How was basketball practice? Mom said that you have a big game Thursday night. I can't wait to see you play!"

"You get to stay until Thursday? You don't have any games?" Jamie asked excitedly. Nathan felt a familiar twist of guilt in his heart He knew that his son was getting old enough to realize that his family wasn't like other families. No gift could make up for his absence. "That's awesome. Aunt Peyton, are you going to come to my game too? Aunt Brooke always comes when she comes home and has to go. She says it's like watching Daddy and Uncle Luke when they were in school!"

Peyton smiled at Nathan over Jamie's head before nodding. "Of course, I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world," she told him. Peyton looked over at Haley and Lucas. It felt like such along time since she had really known them. It was like they were part of her world a whole new lifetime ago. For so long, Tree Hill had been something that had held her back. Now, coming home on Nathan's arm, it was just a place that she used to know. It wasn't home like New York was now. "So I think we're just going to stay at the Inn."

"You could stay at the house," Haley offered uselessly, not at all intending for them to really follow through on it. She hated the hopeful way her son was smiling up at his father but was relieved at the petrified look in Nathan's eyes. When Peyton politely declined, Haley smiled knowingly and nodded toward the car. "Well, we're parked in the satellite lot."

Nathan pulled his suitcase behind him without ever letting go of Jamie's hand. As they approached the busy intersection, his son reached for Peyton's free hand and walked. They swung him casually between them naturally and it was the first time Nathan felt part of a family in so long. Peyton was amazing and he suddenly felt the need to become a father again. Though it was far off, he could imagine them being parents together. They would have to have a daughter that could have her curls and his eyes, her passion and his drive. Just like his son, she'd be one hell of a kid.

The ride to the hotel was short and awkward. Nathan left his son with a hug and a promise to come over to the house once they got settled. Peyton thanked Lucas quickly for the ride and headed into the hotel without even waiting for Nathan to follow. When he still hadn't come in five minutes later, she crept over to the door to look for him. She saw him standing with Haley at the edge of the sidewalk, the two of them close and deep in conversation. Although she was dying to know what they were saying, she respected Nathan's privacy too much to interrupt or eavesdrop.

"Nathan, we need to talk to Jamie about. He needs to know what is going on," Haley told Nathan quietly but insistently. "He's been asking questions. Now that all four of us are in the same place, it seems like a good time. If you hadn't called me last night to warn me about Peyton, I wouldn't have even known. He's got to wonder why his dad showed up holding his aunt's hand."

"Well, considering his mom is currently screwing his uncle, I don't think he's really all that surprised," Nathan snapped back. He hated how Haley sometimes made him feel like he wasn't good enough. She had always done that and sometimes he had even accepted it. However, he wasn't going to put up with it when it came to their son. "I'm sorry, Hales, that wasn't fair." She shrugged at him uselessly but he could see the hurt in her eyes. Nathan reached up and rubbed her shoulder gently. "Really, I apologize. I just don't think we need to make a big deal about this with Jamie. It's already a mess between the four of us. He's a kid; he shouldn't have to worry about shit like this."

Haley started to remind him about his language but quickly remembered it wasn't her place anymore. She figured that Peyton didn't probably care if Nathan let the occasional curse word slip in. Nagging had always been more of Haley's forte if his words had been correct. She could remember his comparisons of the two great loves of his life on more than one occasion, and he was usually taking out his anger on her so Peyton ended up looking pretty good.

"I agree, he shouldn't have to worry about it. I guess I didn't think I would be worrying about my jealous fiancee at this point either," she remarked bitterly. She knew it wasn't Nathan's fault and he knew that she wasn't blaming him. She was just saying something aloud that she couldn't really tell anyone else. She knew Nathan would understand and he did. "Like, with you, I always knew what it was. You were meant for bigger things than Tree Hill. Your heart wasn't exactly broken when we fell apart."

"That's not true, and you know it," he reminded her carefully, but he knew what she meant. Tree Hill wasn't big enough to contain the lives that he and Peyton were meant to live. "I just always knew that I had to earn everything that I got and I wanted something more than this town could give me. That's the only way I could have something that was mine and not Dan Scott's."

Haley recoiled at the mention of his father, one of her least favorite people in the world. "But Luke is Tree Hill, you know? He is this place and not just because I see him in every place I go," she tried to explain. "I never thought I would have to put up walls with him. I didn't think we could fail, so I wasn't afraid to try. Now there's this and she's here..."

"Peyton is with me, Hales," he reminded her. "I could stand here and pretend that you have cause to be scared, but the fact of the matter is, Peyton doesn't want anything to do with Luke. She is willing to try for me because he's my brother. She doesn't want it to be like this for me or for Jamie. Believe it or not, she doesn't want it to be like that for you either. It's taken awhile but she has let go of the past. I can't make Luke do that but I think it's time you start to do it too."

Peyton watched as her boyfriend hugged his ex-wife and said something that made her laugh. He caught her staring when he started for the hotel, his face breaking into a wide grin as he came in. "Spying, Sawyer? Really?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "What can I say? I don't want anyone trying to infiltrate my territory."

"I don't think you have anything to worry about, just like I just told Haley. I'm yours and you're mine. Nothing anyone else says can change that," he vowed to her before kissing her soundly. "Now then, I think we should get checked in so that I can wash this airplane smell off me. We are picking up Jamie in an hour to have dinner. I think it's about time my two favorite people hang out again."

_Soundtrack to this chapter: "Boston" by Augustana; "Life for Rent" by Dido; and "Shipbuilding" by Elvis Costello_


	8. Chapter 8

There are a million things she should do right now, but the only thing Peyton wanted to do was ignore the knocking at her hotel door and pretend that there was no way it could be her ex-husband on the other side. Nathan was gone, had been all morning, spending a few precious hours alone with Jamie before going to visit Deb. She knew that Haley and Nathan were going to sit down with their son that afternoon to tell him what was going on and to reassure him that he was still the most important thing to both of them. Peyton had to admit that she would rather be doing that than dealing with Lucas at her door. However, as his gentle knocking turned to insistent pounding, she told herself it was time to grow up and deal with the wayward blonde head on.

"What?" she nearly screamed before yanking him by the collar into the spacious suite Nathan had booked for them at the Inn. Lucas looked around the room, his eyes wide as he took in the fairly luxurious accommodations. Rather than acknowledge her surroundings, Peyton put her fists on her waist and looked at her ex-husband expectantly. "What is so important that it couldn't wait and you had to keep pounding on my door and wake up everyone else on the floor?"

"There are only two rooms on this floor and I saw the maid in the other one," Luke countered bitterly. Peyton wasn't in the mood to deal with his jealousy. It seemed like she had been putting up with the Scott brothers' envy of one another for years. "I just wanted to talk to you alone."

Peyton reached for Nathan's dark robe on the back of the bathroom door before leading her unwanted visitor over to the plush sofa in the sitting room. She poured herself a cup of coffee from the room service that had been delivered earlier before offering one to Lucas. He declined, looking nervous and much younger than his true age all hunched up on the couch like that. Peyton had a flash of him at sixteen then, this nervous, twitchy kid with spiky blonde hair just begging for the head cheerleader to look his way. It had been endearing then, but Peyton knew she should have never looked his way. If only she had stayed focused on Nate...

No, she couldn't go back there. Thinking about what could have been wasn't good for anyone and also meant that a lot of what had come after wouldn't have happened. Peyton wouldn't trade those years and those lessons for anything. It had given Nathan to her and Jamie to both Haley and Nate. She wouldn't undo anything that would change those things. Instead, she tried to remember what was good about Lucas and why she had loved him in the first place. It wasn't that hard if she tried, and for right now, it felt like maybe it was okay to remember.

"Luke, I know this is hard, but you need to understand that I am with Nathan now. I love him very much and nothing you say or do will change that. This isn't high school and he's not Brooke. I am not going to get in this tug of war all over again. We moved on – I moved on. I don't want to go backward," she told him gently. She saw the way he physically recoiled at her bluntly honest words. "You have a life with Haley now. That was so hard for me, but I learned to accept it and am even happy for you now. I really hope that you can find that same happiness for Nate and me. We're happy."

Lucas looked down at his hand and his bare left finger. Once upon a time, a white gold ring had sat there and told him everything he needed to know about love. He could still remember the day he had taken it off and put it away in a locked box he kept in the bottom drawer of his desk in the den. "I want to be happy for you, Peyt, but it's not that easy. I can see it coming. He hurt you once, he'll do it again."

"So did you," she countered pointedly. "We've all hurt each other – Nathan, Haley, Brooke, you, me. It doesn't mean that we have to keep hurting each other. Haley is a great girl, Luke. I know that the two of you could be really and truly happy if you would focus on that. She's been your best friend for forever. How much luckier can you be than to get to love your best friend? If Brooke was a guy, I'd be all over her. Maybe that's why I like Nate so much, he's pretty much the male version of her. Either way, you get to have that with Hales. Do you know how lucky you are?"

He thought about the beautiful brunette who he had loved in one way or another for pretty much his entire life. Haley had always been the one true thing he could count on, the only person to never abandon him. "Yeah," he relented with a genuine smile. "I guess I just wanted to recapture something I used to have. Maybe it's time we all just let go."

Peyton shook her head contrarily. "Actually, I think we just need to learn a different way to hold on."

Meanwhile, Nathan watched as Jamie chased Haley across the basketball court, her brunette hair trailing after her in the wind as the two of them laughed happily into the warm air. "Mom, you're totally traveling!" Jamie argued as Haley carried the ball under her arm. "Dad, Mom's cheating!"

"She never really learned the rules of basketball," Nathan chuckled as Haley lobbed the ball in his direction. Nathan dribbled it easily as Jamie approached him, trying his best to put defense on a man more than two feet taller than him. "Use your hips, buddy. Remember how I showed you how to box out?"

"Oh, yeah!" Jamie remembered aloud as he changed up his technique. It was an effective move as he easily stole the ball from Nathan and went to the goal for a layup. The boy started to celebrate as he raced toward his mother, his fist pumping in the air. Haley caught him and laughed, twirling both of them around in a circle. Nathan hung back for a moment to watch, proud that he landed such an amazing mother for his son. Nothing could ever change how he felt about that.

"Alright, kiddo, I think Dad and me need to talk to you about something," Haley told him once she sat her son back down on his feet. Jamie grimaced up at her but followed his parents over toward the bleachers anyway. "Well, you know how I am going to marry Uncle Luke, right?"

"Of course, you told me that I get to be the Best Man!" he exclaimed. "Daddy, can you get me a new tuxedo? Mom said that we could just rent one, but you have money. Will you get me one?"

Haley frowned at him while Nathan couldn't help but laugh. "We'll see, buddy," he answered. "What your mom is trying to tell you is that there are going to be a lot of changes coming up. Your mom and Uncle Luke are going to be husband and wife like Mommy and I used to be. I am also going to be spending a lot of time with Aunt Peyton. When you are with me, she'll probably be around. Your mom and I just want to make sure that you are okay with everything and that you know how much we love you."

"No matter what, Jamie, you always come first," Haley promised their son. "With your dad and me, you are the most important thing to both of us. Before school, before basketball, before anyone else – it's you. Got me?"

"Duh, Mom, I've known that forever," Jamie rolled his eyes. "Besides, I love Aunt Peyton and Uncle Luke. They used to be married to each other like you guys, but I don't care if you marry them. As long as I get to have everyone still around and it's not weird like it was before, it's okay with me. I just don't want you to be sad, Mommy. I know you were sad for a long time. And Daddy was too, even if he wanted to pretend he wasn't."

Haley and Nathan exchanged a knowing look. All the trying in the world couldn't hide the truth from a particularly precocious grade schooler. It didn't matter if Haley had tried to be strong and embrace her freedom. It didn't matter if Nathan had delved into basketball to keep himself busy. It didn't matter how hard they had tried to act as though nothing had changed or pretended to be fine. Their son had noticed and he has survived. He would make it through this.

"Your mom and I are both happy, Jamie," Nathan promised. "And we are still a family, all three of us. No matter what, that will never change. We'll just have new people in it, but I will always love your mom because she gave me the best thing I've ever had."

"The autographed Michael Jordan basketball?"

"Well, yeah, that was pretty cool," Nathan grinned down at his son and then up at his ex-wife. "But I mostly meant you. You're the best gift anyone could have ever got me."

"Me?" Jamie asked incredulously, as if it was preposterous he could outrank a Jordan ball. "Mom?"

"Yup, kiddo, you're the best gift we've ever received," she assured him.

Nathan spent the rest of the day with Jamie. They hung out for awhile longer before heading over to the cafe for lunch. Afterward, Nathan dropped Haley off at home and headed out to see his mom at his old house. Jamie played basketball in the driveway while Nathan caught up with Deb. They talked about Lucas and Haley and they talked about how Jamie was dealing with everything. They talked about basketball and Jamie's grades and Deb's business. Most of all, they talked about Peyton and how happy Nathan was now that his life was finally falling into place. And when Jamie had enough playing and was sufficiently filled up on junk food, he dropped his son off at home before promising to return with Peyton in the morning for breakfast.

She was waiting for him when he walked into the suite, her hair pulled back and glasses perched on the tip of her nose as she worked on her laptop. Nathan watched her for a moment before reaching for the computer and shutting the lid. Her green eyes went wide as she noticed him for the first time before launching herself in his arms. They spent the next few minutes sharing tidbits from their day and looking over the room service menu to order dinner. After Nathan had showered off the grime from the River Court and Peyton had stowed her work away, the two of them sat down together on the couch and relished in having a small moment in a very long day alone.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure," Nathan answered, pulling her closer to him. "Anything, always."

"I thought Tree Hill might destroy us," she admitted. "It's part of why I was reluctant – almost scared – to come back here. We worked so well in New York that I didn't want to lose it by coming here."

"And yet, here we are. Still in tact, still together," Nathan murmured. "We're gonna make it, Sawyer."

"You think?"

"No," Nathan countered with deep smile. "No, this time I more than think it. This time I know."

_Soundtrack to this chapter: "Nightswimming" by REM; "Single Girls" by Laura Jansen; and "The Runner" by The Boxer Rebellion._

_**FIN.**_


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